Tag Archive: self-love


How Can She Pick Herself Up and Turn Her Whole Life Around?

Filed Under: Emotional Well-being, Healing, Law of Attraction, Manifesting, Spiritual Growth by Soul Arcanum — Comments Off on How Can She Pick Herself Up and Turn Her Whole Life Around?

Copyright Soul Arcanum LLC. All rights reserved. :)
 

Dear Soul Arcanum:

I am 23-year-old woman who is currently pregnant. I don’t have a steady boyfriend at present; the man who fathered my baby is good for nothing. I do have a sweet little girl whom I love very much. Her father is taking care of her even though she is staying with my mother. I’m living a very low life. I have too many friends I cannot trust, and I love drinking alcohol. Part of me wants to change to become a better person, but the other part still wants to live this loose life. I don’t know how I am going to change. Every time I enter a new relationship, job, make new friends, etc., everything seems to go awry. I feel like I’m doomed. I was involved in a car crash in January of 1997, and my boyfriend at that time did not even come to the hospital. He didn’t care if I was alive or dead! Every man seems to just not care after they get what they want, which is to take me to bed. I have done many things I am not proud of. Is it normal that at the tender age of 23, I have slept with more than 250 men? Soul Arcanum, I really need your help. Can you give me advice on how to turn my life around?
T.

Dear T.:

While I’m going to focus this column on helping YOU, I have to say a word here about your innocent little girl and unborn child. Unless you want your children to grow up and be just like you and suffer the same way you’re suffering, you need to get a grip on yourself NOW. The part of you that wants something better than this is going to have to SLAY that part of you that wants to continue living a “loose life,” as you put it. You would protect your daughter with your very life, so lay down the life of that foolish, misguided teenager inside you, and step with all of your being toward the strong, wise mother you know you can be.

Now that I’ve said that, I can offer you my compassion. It’s clear to me that you’re carrying a lot of baggage from your childhood and even before that (from past lives). I’m shown that you have been an alcoholic in several past lives, and a prostitute in at least one lifetime. In that life, you did it to survive, but in this life, you have so many more choices. So while it may not seem “normal” to be so promiscuous, for you it hasn’t necessarily been strange. Unless you want to keep this up for all eternity, however, you’re going to have to consciously choose to change. Acknowledge that you have done the best you could, forgive yourself for those things you’re not proud of, then move on! Forget about the past and focus everything you have on who you want to be and how you want to live.

The main thing you must learn is how to say NO to things that will destroy your well-being and happiness. You have thus far said yes to everything and everyone that comes your way. Someone offers you alcohol/drugs? Yes! Someone asks you to go to bed with them? Yes!

The reason you say yes is because you’re desperate for love. You keep trying to be what you think others want you to be in order to fill that empty, achy, lonely feeling in your heart, but you’re waking up to the truth that what you’ve been getting by taking this approach is not love at all, and only leaves you feeling worse in the end. Disrespecting yourself as you have will only lead others to use you, for if you don’t respect yourself, why should they? There are all sorts of users and abusers in the world, and you have become a magnet for them. You thus far have just not loved yourself enough to protect yourself and to demand more and better from life and people.

As you do love your daughter that much, she is actually going to help you change your life. Through mothering your daughter, you have come to know the sort of love you need to feel for yourself. Now you can go back and parent yourself into feeling like you deserve more than what you’ve been putting up with. I want you to start treating yourself the way you’d want your daughter to be treated by herself and by others. If some stranger wanted to use her and take her to bed, what would you want her to do? If you saw her throwing away her mind, body and spirit on alcohol, junkie friends and unsafe sex, what would you want her to do? (That is what you should do!)

Find a minister or an energy healer and get some help with reconnecting with the Divine,  reclaiming your personal power, and detoxing on every level. (A church is probably best, as it would be a good source of free or inexpensive help.) I also want you to start attending church so that you can meet a higher quality of people. Start befriending older WOMEN there; reach out for help from women who are solid and strong and won’t let you make excuses when that weaker side of you wants to go on ruining your life. I’m sure there are also social service agencies where you can get connected with other women who are sincerely trying to improve their lives as well. You need true friends now. You need to ask for help and start helping others too. There are lots of young single mothers out there – reach out and work together!

I know your heart is aching for someone to truly care for you, and that this is driving much of your self-destructive behavior. What you need to get from this column is that your relationships with others will mirror your relationship to yourself. If you are self-destructive in your thinking and habits, others will be abusive toward you. If you respect yourself and take great care of yourself, others will respect you and want to take care of you similarly. Respecting yourself here means taking good care of your body (not abusing drugs or alcohol and not giving yourself sexually to any guy who smiles at you). It means getting rid of the people in your life who are behaving in ways you neither admire nor want to emulate. It means cleaning up your act and putting your heart and soul into becoming the kind of woman and mother you most want to be. The harder you work at it, the more you will respect yourself, and the better your life will get.

You can initiate this personal transformation by detoxing on a physical level immediately. I know you’re pregnant, so I don’t want you to do anything drastic like fasting or taking unusual supplements, etc. Just cut out all the garbage: no alcohol, no drugs, no junk food. Eat fruit and vegetables. Look to natural foods for nourishment. Given what you’re putting into your body, it’s no wonder you’re miserable. (If you need help with addiction, GET IT! There is so much free help available out there.)

Then you’ll feel strong enough to detox on an emotional and mental level by getting rid of those users and abusers and doing whatever else you need to do to move forward with your life. You should also take some time to thank the dickens out of your mom and anyone else who has really been there for you. She can and will help you if you are sincere in your efforts to change your life. She has been waiting for you to wake up. You have broken her heart time and time again; it’s time for you to actively begin to try to undo all that hurt you’ve caused. She’s on your side!

You have a loving mother, a sweet child, and a new baby on the way. You have so much to turn your life around for. Think of your children and set a good example, for they are learning how to be in the world by watching you.

In a nutshell: demand more of yourself and the people you let into your world, and you will turn your life around. The time is NOW my friend; I’m sending prayers for strength your way.

– Soul Arcanum

Tags: , , , , , , , , , ,
Permalink

She’s Nervous about a Psychic Who Knows Her Embarassing Secrets

Filed Under: Emotional Well-being, Psychic Readings by Soul Arcanum — Comments Off on She’s Nervous about a Psychic Who Knows Her Embarassing Secrets

Copyright Soul Arcanum LLC. All rights reserved. :)
 

Dear Soul Arcanum:

I visited a local psychic about three times, so naturally she got to know all my personal problems. I was very surprised when I saw her at the gym that I attend, and it made me feel uneasy. Then in the locker room she had the audacity to ask me outright if my son is still doing drugs, along with some other personal questions. I felt disgusted because in my opinion, she should not discuss the matters from my readings somewhere else. I motioned for her to shut her mouth, and she replied “Not to worry.” I have also noticed that when she talks to me, she stands very close, fixes her eyes on me, and asks personal questions. I think she’s reading me, and I feel uneasy every time I see her. I have made it clear that I no longer desire her services, and I’m no longer friendly with her. Can she harm me in any way? How do I prevent her from reading me?
– Liz

Dear Liz:

A dear friend of mine is a popular local psychologist, and I’ve had other friends react with similar nervousness when they realize I know him. While some worry that he’ll share their secrets with me, for the most part, they’re uneasy because who they are in public is so different from who they are when they’re in his office and getting “real,” so they don’t know how to act around him in a different setting. Since he would never betray their confidence, the real problem is the chasm between who these people really are and who they like to pretend to be in “polite society.”

Psychologists are trained and required by law to maintain strict confidentiality, and while psychics should follow the same protocol, there is no official training or laws governing this sort of work, so it’s natural for clients to worry. I maintain strict confidentiality for my clients and would never disclose that someone had even asked me for a reading, much less what we had discussed. This is especially important when someone else may know my client, or my client is a well-known celebrity or other public figure. So I certainly agree that this psychic is not handling herself in a professional manner! (I’m also doubtful of her psychic sensitivity, for she should be able to sense your uneasiness and respond accordingly.)

At the same time, I have to say that I don’t pick up any malice from her. Like so many psychics, she is probably just socially quirky. Psychics tend to be extraordinarily open and honest because so much that escapes others’ awareness is quite plain to us. While many people ONLY get emotionally naked in very private settings, we see through people’s social masks all the time.

Just the other day my son complained, “Having a psychic for a mom is so not fair! Not only do I get in trouble for the things I say, I get in trouble for the things I DON’T say!” He was referring to both my ability to sense his true thoughts and feelings, and my habit of insisting on bringing the truth to light.

I do this because I believe it’s a waste of time and disrespectful of everyone involved to be anything but real. Further, whenever we are false, we disconnect from our personal power to create positive change. In addition, on some level everyone knows the truth – they may not know it consciously, but they still know. When we use words to hide the truth or twist it around, we’re just playing games.

Life is not a competition to see who can keep their act together more than anyone else, it’s an experiment through which we all cultivate new wisdom and understanding. Everything we feel and experience happens for a good reason. We are all divine spirits living out big dramas here on Earth, and we’re in this together. So if someone is being false with me by lying, avoiding, denying, etc., I will usually communicate what I feel is really happening because I see no reason for anyone to hide. (As you might imagine, I have often been told that I’m very intense and honest to a fault!)

Given all of this, I see no need for you to block yourself from being read. Instead, I recommend you heal yourself of the fear of being exposed for who you really are, and the belief that if people knew the real you, they would find you somehow unworthy of their love and respect.

If you are honest with yourself, you’ll realize that the reason you want to keep your secrets hidden is because deep down, you’re ashamed of yourself for some reason. You’re afraid that somehow you’re not as good as other people, or your children aren’t as good as they “should” be, which must be your fault. If you recognize that everyone struggles with all sorts of problems just as big as yours, hopefully you’ll realize that there is no reason for you to feel bad about yourself.

It’s easy for psychics to forget that not everyone is like us. For example, we hear everyone’s most scandalous secrets, greatest fears and deepest regrets, and if we’re coming from a higher vibration as we should be, we don’t judge anyone for their problems and decisions. From Spirit’s perspective, there is nothing to feel ashamed about and therefore nothing to hide because you’ve not done anything wrong! There is only compassion for you and all you’re going through.

This is one of the qualities that makes great therapists true healers: they see you as divinely perfect just the way you are, and they help you to see your own divine perfection as well. In this way, you make peace with yourself and your life.

If I were you, I would thank this woman for showing you that she cares, and gently explain that you’d rather not talk about these things when you’re at the gym, for you’re not mentally prepared to deal with them then, and just want to get in a good workout.

Then instead of keeping all those skeletons buried in the back of some metaphorical closet, I encourage you to work on finding compassion for yourself. Whenever you feel the urge to cover something up or pretend to be someone you’re not, recognize that your ego is kicking in, and try to relax and let go of needing others’ acceptance. Remember that gaining others’ approval by pretending to be someone you’re not is pretty silly, and it will just fill your life with all sorts of meaningless, hollow relationships and interactions.

Remember too that getting emotionally vulnerable takes love and faith in yourself, and if you open up about what you’re really going through, it will encourage the people you talk with to do the same. Trust me – everyone feels the way you do – we all want to look good in others’ eyes. So instead of worrying about impressing others, try to give them what you’d like to receive: acceptance and understanding for who they really are and all they’re really going through.

If you do this, you will end up in some powerful, meaningful relationships wherein you know you can truly be yourself and be accepted for who you really are. Ironically, this approach will also bring you the respect and admiration of some wonderful kindred spirits.

 

– Soul Arcanum

Tags: , , , , , , ,
Permalink