Tag Archive: grief


Healing Guilt After Friend’s Suicide

Filed Under: Afterlife, Death and Dying, Energy/Vibration, Healing, Relationships, Spirit Communication, Spirits by Soul Arcanum — Comments Off on Healing Guilt After Friend’s Suicide

Copyright Soul Arcanum LLC. All rights reserved. :)
 

Dear Soul Arcanum:

A very dear friend just killed himself on 3/11/11. He had come to see me a week before and we talked about how he was feeling. I tried to help by giving him ideas on how to handle his problem, and at the end of our conversation, I thought all was well with him as we were laughing at the situation he had been so concerned about. I was devastated when I heard what he had done. I can see that when he left his body, he was in a dark, cloudy, dense fog with no light. I am feeling so sad for the waste, and keep wondering if there was something more I could have done to stop him. Perhaps instead of joking about the problem, I should have been more serious. He has always said that 10 years ago, I was responsible for saving his life when he was in another very dark place – that I had pulled him back from the brink. If that’s true, why couldn’t I save him this time? What is happening to him on the other side? Will I ever hear from him again? He was not spiritual; he believed that when we die, that’s it. Anything you can say to help me deal with all of this would be so appreciated.

Marla
Dear Marla:

Though it’s normal for you to be feeling as you are feeling, I can assure you that your guilt is wholly unfounded. Your friend didn’t kill himself because of you: He killed himself because he was in more pain than he could bear. You are no more responsible for his death than if he had died of cancer or been hit by a bus.

Your question reminded me of a startling exchange I had with one of the wisest men I have ever known – my father. I was 12 years old at the time, and was mired in adolescenet angst and depressed about all I deemed to be wrong with the world. As I tried to communicate how horrible I was feeling to my father, I confessed that I had thought about killing myself. To my great surprise, he didn’t try to change my mind or save me from myself. He simply said, “It would break my heart if you ended your life, but if you are determined to do it, there is nothing I or anyone else can do to stop you.” Since my father loved me wholeheartedly, this response totally shocked me. However, it also instantly struck me as wise and true. Over the years, I have many times fallen back on this lesson when dealing with loved ones who were depressed: though we can love and support people, it is impossible to save them from themselves, for what they choose to do with their lives is ultimately up to them.

There is a wonderful book that powerfully illustrates our ultimate freedom to succumb to despair or rise above it. I’m referring to Man’s Search for Meaning in which Viktor Frankl describes his experiences in a Nazi concentration camp and how he refused to allow his persecutors to break his spirit. He wrote, Everything can be taken from a man or a woman but one thing: the last of human freedoms to choose one’s attitude in any given set of circumstances, to choose one’s own way. Your friend exercised this ultimate freedom when he chose to end his life. If someone is in despair, we can love them with all our hearts, but can’t give them the will to live.

As for what your friend is now experiencing, it’s important to keep in mind that death is a personal experience, so not all suicides are equal. What we experience when we leave this world is entirely a matter of who and how we are on the inside, for when we die, we shed our physical bodies and begin to inhabit our astral bodies. If our astral bodies are light, peaceful and happy, we end up in a happy, peaceful place. If they are heavy and dark with despair, we end up in a dark, heavy feeling place. This is why suicide is associated with negative afterlife consequences: since our astral bodies are our emotional bodies, if we are in tremendous emotional pain when we die, we end up in an emotionally dark and painful place.

That being said, I don’t believe it is any worse to be in a state of despair in the astral than it is to be in the same state here in the physical. People tend to freak out when they think about someone who has committed suicide ending up in a hellish realm, but in truth, they were already in hell when they were living. Their mistake was in thinking that by killing themselves, they could put an end to their emotional pain.

Killing oneself is an effective way to end physical pain. If a person commits suicide in order to spare himself and his family more suffering because he is terminally ill, and he does so from a feeling of love, then he may end up in a fine place in the astral; it is all dependent on his inner energy. Since the astral body lives on, suicide does not end emotional suffering. There is no quick escape from emotional despair; instead, we must grow through it and find a way to transform and heal it. This can and will eventually happen whether we are here in the physical or in the astral.

Since your friend was in emotional despair when he took his life, your perception that he is in a dark place is probably accurate. This does not mean he will remain there for all eternity any more than he would remain in emotional torment forever were he still alive here on Earth. Eventually, he will realize that running away is not the answer, which will lead him to seek a new and more effective way to feel better.

You can help him by praying for him and visualizing him in a state of well-being. You could also learn to astral travel and try to find him so you can help him directly. For more information on this, research soul rescue as practiced by shamans. I also recommend you explore the work of  Bruce Moen; he’s an expert using astral travel to find and help lost souls.

Sinking into grief and sorrow yourself won’t help your friend; it will just make him feel worse about himself for bringing you down. Blaming yourself serves no one; instead, I urge you to try to transform this experience into something positive. When you start to feel bad for any reason, remember to celebrate your blessings and live each day fully. Cultivate love in your life and strive to spread joy wherever you go. Know that your new strength, wisdom and happiness are blessings that came from your friend’s decision.

I lost my first love when he was just 18 years old. While this was certainly tragic, there are many good things that came of his death. For one thing, it launched me on a conscious spiritual journey; I would not be who I am or doing the work I am doing had this not happened. If you work with it, this can be a profound spiritual growth experience for you. You are now exploring the nature of life and death and suffering; you are searching your soul and opening up to new spiritual experiences. If you honor your desire to find a way to help your friend, you may develop all sorts of new skills and knowledge that you can use to do a lot of good in the future. By creating something positive from his tragic end, you will truly honor your friend and bless yourself with the healing you need to feel at peace again.

Tags: , , , ,
Permalink

Still Seeking Peace with Parents’ Deaths

Filed Under: Afterlife, Death and Dying, Destiny/Higher Plan, Dreams, Healing by Soul Arcanum — Comments Off on Still Seeking Peace with Parents’ Deaths

Copyright Soul Arcanum LLC. All rights reserved. :)
 

Dear Soul Arcanum:

My mother died of cancer and about one year later, my dad committed suicide. My mother knew she was going to die so she had special talks with all her children. In my conversation with her, I asked her to please find a way to come visit me in my dreams or some other way from the dead. She said she would. I only had one dream about her. I was sitting at my kitchen table with a couple of friends and she appeared in the doorway. I turned and yelled Mom! and went to get up to hug her and she disappeared. As for my father, he died of a drug overdose. In the only dream I had about him, he was chasing me with a drug needle, saying This is your life now. Please help me understand all of this. Why won’t my mom won’t come to see me and talk to me like in the stories I’ve read at Soul Arcanum? Why would my dad say and do the things he did to me in my dream? I stood by both my parents until the end, never missing a doctor’s appointment or a chance to get my dad help for his pain. All he did when he was alive was make my life a living hell and make up rumors about me to feed his drug habit. Please help me. Thanks in advance!
Karen

Dear Karen:

Since it seems your parents were very different people and you had unique relationships with each of them, I think we should approach these dreams separately.

First it’s important to recognize and give thanks that your mother did come to you as promised. It may not have been exactly what you were hoping for, but she did show up in a dream and try to connect with you, and you did remember the experience.

My dad died a couple of years ago, after he and my mother had enjoyed many decades of a really beautiful marriage. One would think that she would have had all sorts of experiences with my dad after he passed, but she hasn’t had a single one that I would call really obvious or moving. She says that she sometimes hears his voice in her head, telling her what she should do about this or that problem, and that a couple of times, she has gotten the feeling that a bird outside the window was a sign from him, but she’s not had any vivid visits from him either when awake or dreaming.

I, however, have had outright visits, dreams, signs – you name it – from my dad. He even telephoned me on my birthday! This is not because he loved me more than he loved her or the rest of the family. Spirit communication is a two-way street, and there are many factors that can influence its success.

Following are some things to consider that may be affecting this situation:

First, people who die after long illnesses often need some time to heal and recover on the other side. They may make an all-out effort to come to us at least once after they’ve died to let us know they’re okay or to fulfill a promise, like your mother did, but then move on to what they need to do next. Often it’s a good sign when spirits don’t endlessly visit us, for it means they’ve moved on and are doing what they need to be doing on the other side.

It can take a great deal of time and effort for spirits to reach us in a way that most people can perceive it. It’s much like learning how to consciously communicate with spirits is for us: we could devote all kinds of time and energy to this goal and still find the results we desire elusive. In other words, I think we should assume that inter-dimensional communication is just as tricky to affect from the spirit world as it is from the physical.

Our state of mind definitely affects spirit communication. You have obviously gone through a great deal with all of this. You didn’t mention how long it has been since these deaths, but even if it’s been a while, you’re clearly still in some turmoil about it all, which would prevent conscious contact with spirits due to a low vibration.

Further, just as some people are more adept at spirit communication, some spirits are too. If the living person or the spirit is highly sensitive and spiritual in nature, contact is far more likely. If both parties are highly sensitive, then amazing things can happen. For example, the first spirit I had lots of contact with was my grandmother. She was a very spiritual sort of person, and we had a deep bond. I believe that because we were very close and because we were both very open and sensitive, it was easy for us to connect.

The more we evolve and the higher our vibration, the greater our power over our own reality and the greater our freedom to travel between spiritual realms, whether we’re on this side or living in another dimension.

In addition to all of the above, we often have dreams of loved ones in Spirit that we don’t remember. Even people who vividly remember their dreams every night may block out visits with loved ones in Spirit if there are unresolved feelings or issues that they’re not ready to face yet. It’s ironic, but the more you heal these relationships and work through your grief, the easier it will be for you to consciously connect.

What I want to emphasize most is the truth that just because you don’t get signs or visits from a particular spirit, that doesn’t mean that the spirit isn’t trying, doesn’t love you, or isn’t okay. I know my dad has tried to get through to my mom, but she just isn’t ready yet. In fact, she admitted that she both wants to hear from him, and is kind of freaked out about the whole idea. This inner conflict explains why she hasn’t had conscious experiences of him since his passing.

As for your father, it sounds to me like two things may be happening here:

First, addicts tend to remain earthbound. It sounds like your dad just hasn’t changed much since he died: he’s still struggling with addiction, and he didn’t instantly become angelic upon crossing over. It even sounds like he may be trying to feed his addiction through you – hence the dream of him chasing you with a needle.

You’re wise to realize that many times when our loved ones cross over, if they have issues that keep them earthbound like alcohol or drug addiction, they will attach to someone and try to continue to drink or get high through them. So someone with a food addiction may latch onto another family member who also has food issues, or at least has a weakness in that area. They don’t intend to harm us, mind you – but just like when they were living, they are too caught up in their own needs to act in a more loving, responsible way.

Until these spirits conquer their addictions, they can’t cross over, for they just keep fixating on the physical pleasures they crave. Whether they want to cross over or not, however, you can release them from your own energy and protect yourself from further attachment. (Research spirit releasement for more information on how to do this.)

This dream of your dad may also simply reflect that you are processing some unresolved feelings and issues you have about your relationship with him. Clearly there is a lot of pain and disappointment left over from this relationship that you have yet to heal, so the dream may not have been a true visit from him but instead be a reflection of your own inner turmoil.

I encourage you to pray for peace and healing for yourself and your father. Visualize him full of light, free from addiction, and surrounded by angels helping him to learn, grow and heal in the afterlife. You can pray for your mother too, and also pray to have the sort of healing experiences you crave with both of your departed parents. If you focus on this and ask for it with a sincere heart, I have faith that you will be guided to peace and fulfillment in the perfect way and time for you.

– Soul Arcanum

Tags: , , , ,
Permalink

Can She Help Grieving Mom Communicate with Departed Husband?

Filed Under: Afterlife, Death and Dying, Dreams, Energy/Vibration, Intuitive Development, Psychic Ability, Spirit Communication, Spirits by Soul Arcanum — Comments Off on Can She Help Grieving Mom Communicate with Departed Husband?

Copyright Soul Arcanum LLC. All rights reserved. :)
 

Dear Soul Arcanum:

My mom lost her second husband almost a year ago, and she is having a hard time with this. I’ve asked her to seek grief counseling, but she won’t do it. Last summer my stepfather came to me in a dream. This is not unusual – I’ve had many spirits come to me. In the dream, I was at the foot of my mom’s bed, talking to her as she cried over his death. He entered the room and I was so happy to see him. I said to him, “Ron help her! Help my mom!” He sat at her bedside and wrapped his arms around her. Then he turned to me and said, “I can’t. She won’t let me.” When I asked why I could perceive him and she couldn’t, he said it was because of her sadness. He then explained that he doesn’t understand such feelings, for they are no longer a part of him. He said he feels no sadness, regret, anger or grief – he only feels the love they still have. He wanted me to tell her he is with her every day. Every time I’m with my mom, she asks why she can’t feel him. I have no real answers for her aside from what he told me. Can I help her to be more open to him?
– Susan

Dear Susan:

This is mainly a problem of vibration. Sadly, it’s often the people who most long for contact with a loved one in Spirit who have the hardest time. This is because the emotions of grief are of a very low vibration, and in order to consciously connect with spirits, we have to reach high toward their vibratory range.

This is also why spirit contact is a relatively rare experience: when someone we love dies, we are grieving during the time when they are trying the hardest to connect with us. Once our grief has subsided, our loved ones know we’re okay and they move on. So what your stepfather told you in that dream is right on.

I’m betting your mom isn’t big on remembering her dreams, for if she was, she would have had a dream about your stepfather already. As you are very psychic, you have a naturally high vibration and ready access to your dreams. I’m sure your stepfather came to you because he’s been trying very hard to get through to your mom without success.

In order to connect while awake, we must have a high vibration, unmitigated desire, and the belief that this is possible. Then if we can stay open and trust what we perceive, it’s pretty simple to draw spirits close with feelings of our love for them.

Here are some suggestions for anyone who is grieving and longing for contact with a loved one in Spirit:

First you must give yourself some time to heal, for as you do, your vibration will naturally rise. When you are at peace with your loved one’s passing, you will be in a better position to purposefully connect with their spirit.

In the mean time, you can try for contact via your dreams. Of course, for this to work, you must be able to remember them, so begin to keep a dream journal and study various techniques for remembering and working with your dreams. Each night before you go to sleep, think of your loved one with affection and ask them to visit you while you’re dreaming. You can also ask your spirit guides and angels to facilitate this experience.

Ask yourself if you have any fear about the whole idea of spirit communication. Many people think they want this but deep down the idea of it unnerves them. That fear can both make us block our own success, and make our loved ones in Spirit hold back because they don’t want to scare us.

Further, ask yourself if there are any inner conflicts or issues you have yet to resolve about your relationship with the loved one in Spirit you are seeking. If you’re carrying any conscious or subconscious feelings of guilt, anger or any other lower emotion, those feelings can lower your vibration and prevent contact. For example, if you feel guilty because you weren’t there when your loved one crossed over, you could subconsciously “protect” yourself from facing your loved one until you resolve those feelings.

Beliefs are very important here. The more you expect to be able to connect with spirits, the more that will tend to happen. It is therefore wise to read about others’ success. It can also help to have someone else make contact. (For example, you might ask your stepfather to come to you in another dream and give you some information you could not have known. This evidence will both convince your mom that he’s really trying to come through, and show her that it’s possible to ask for a dream and have it happen.)

Understand that the spirit world is all around us, but it’s not tangible like this realm. If you expect to be able to perceive spirits with nothing but your physical senses, you will be disappointed. Some people even call the spirit world the “subtle realm.” Our thoughts and feelings already exist in this subtle realm, which means that spirits naturally come to us via thoughts and feelings. To manifest success with spirit communication, we must learn to trust that our thoughts and feelings about spirits are “real.”

When you feel you’re ready to make contact, turn on all your senses, sit quietly, and open up to a ny impressions you get. It’s rare that we sit quietly with all our senses turned on and then reach out to Spirit from a high vibration, and yet that’s all we really need to do.

As you reach out with your heart from a high vibration, watch for signs of your loved one’s presence. You may feel awash with love, sense their presence, have their face pop into your mind, hear their voice in your head, or have some memory you strongly associate with them seep through from the background of your mind. (For example, whenever my grandmother is near, I begin to notice memories of her house popping through from the background of my conscious awareness. These may be mental snapshots of the street she lived on or of rooms in her house.)

When something like this happens, let your heart swell with love for this person. Don’t focus on feelings of loss and how they aren’t here anymore, for that will bring your vibration down. Instead, remember happy memories. It may also help to physically smile, close your eyes, and turn your face upward, like you’re basking in the light of the sun. Breathe deeply and evenly, and send thoughts of love to this spirit. Tell them that you’re not afraid and ask them to draw near so you can psychically embrace them. This can lead to some very moving experiences.

Mind you, all of this is metaphysical, so it’s happening on an auric level. Sometimes you may feel things in your aura like tingling, or like someone is faintly stroking your hair. The hair may stand up on the back of your neck, or you may get goose bumps. Afterward, your head may still have some doubts, but your heart will know that something real has occurred.

In closing, while I applaud your desire to help your mom, we each have to find our own spiritual path through life, and there is only so much we can do for others. I want to reassure you that your mom is being guided and will heal in her own way and time.

– Soul Arcanum

Tags: , , ,
Permalink

The Opposite of Grief: Reuniting with Someone from a Past Life

Filed Under: Afterlife, Death and Dying, Destiny/Higher Plan, Emotional Well-being, Healing, Past Lives, Relationships by Soul Arcanum — Comments Off on The Opposite of Grief: Reuniting with Someone from a Past Life

 

Copyright Soul Arcanum LLC. All rights reserved. :)
 

Dear Soul Arcanum:

My husband of six years passed away two years ago after a long battle with cancer. I have been blessed with sensing his presence at times, and with truly believing he is free from suffering and I will see him again someday. Nevertheless, I can’t seem to move on. Maybe I’m just not sure where to go from here. I’m in my mid-thirties, we had no children together, and I have a satisfying career. Despite all the good things in my life, it feels like I’ve already had the best love had to offer me. I would appreciate any advice you could give me.
– Brenda

Dear Brenda:

I’d like to share a personal experience with you.

When I was a young woman, my first love died very suddenly. There are many amazing spiritual stories surrounding that event, but there is one in particular that is relevant here.

A few days after Todd died, I awoke in the middle of the night in a panic. I was burning up with heat and gasping for breath, and as I opened my eyes, I could see the room was filled with smoke. Assuming the house was on fire, and I catapulted out of bed and flew across the hall, where I pounded on my parents’ door yelling, “Fire! Fire!”

My father was at the door in a flash with a fire extinguisher in his hand, shouting, “Where? Where?” As I turned and looked back into my room, the smoke was gone. There was nothing there. Speechless, I mumbled something like, “It was there, I swear…”

For three nights in a row I was awakened the same way. The second night I actually repeated my frantic scramble for help. (My father did NOT make it to the door nearly as quickly that time). The third night I forced myself to sit still in bed, and as I did so, the smoke dissipated before my eyes.

Many years later, I am now married to the love of my life. I don’t have room here to go into all the incredible details of how we found each other, but it was definitely preordained. The important thing to note is that I have found even greater love than I lost long ago – and with a firefighter. It took me nearly 20 years to figure out those “fire” experiences in the night, but I now believe that Todd was trying to give me a sign that I would find true love again, and how it would come to me.

When our grief over someone’s passing has subsided but we still feel empty, I believe we are wise to focus on just what Todd was trying to shift my attention to: all the people we have yet to meet whom we already love so well. We must remember that just as death is inevitable, life is ever leading us back to people we have loved in other lives. The cure for your emptiness is deciding to reconnect with these kindred spirits.

Also, while I believe that grief is totally natural, I think we have developed some unhealthy ways of dealing with it. Some people, for example, assume that the devastation they feel when someone dies must indicate that death is indeed a horrible and final end.

As I see it, grief is a natural response to the end of anything we have loved well. It’s normal to be sad when we are leaving some person, place or era that has held a lot of happiness for us. Ironically, it’s my understanding that many souls feel some grief about leaving the spirit world to incarnate here on Earth, which makes our grief over doing the reverse seem a bit overblown. It’s focusing on the past that causes us pain; at some point, it only makes sense to shift our attention to all the possibilities on the horizon.

Every time someone we love departs our experience, it creates room in our lives for someone else who is just as special. Too often people feel that they are somehow betraying a departed loved one by loving someone else. I say that by holding themselves back from new love, they may betray someone they have loved just as deeply in another life, whom they have yet to meet again in this one. Just think: what if you had met someone else prior to meeting your husband, and when that person died, you closed yourself off from new love?

Romance aside, there are many people you have loved in other lives who are waiting to love you again, and I think you owe it to all of those loved ones to stay open to creating new happiness with them. For example, I have done readings for parents who had lost a child, and to whom that same soul had already returned in the form a new baby. It often takes such parents years to recognize the departed child in the younger sibling. Eventually when the child begins to talk, however, they will do things or say things evidential of their true identity. Some children will even refer to the “last time” they were here, before they died in some manner, when they were so and so, etc. Then those parents realize that they have spent years grieving for a child who was sitting right beside them!

I have similarly read for number of widows and widowers who say that they will never fall in love again, and been shown an even greater love for them in the future. This is always a love that already exists, and usually it is with someone they have loved even more deeply and truly than the person they say they will never get over. I think it’s exciting to know that for each one of us, there are many people out there whom we have been missing on an unconscious level and have yet to meet up with again in this lifetime.

While big reunions between souls are often destined to happen at certain junctures, there are some things you can do to reconnect with as many people you’ve loved in other lives as possible. Here are a few:

  • Act on your impulses to go certain places and speak to certain people.
  • Stay open to meeting new people and letting them get close to you.
  • Call or contact people who frequently come to mind, for often these are relationships you are being guided to pursue.
  • Accept invitations from strangers you feel drawn to.
  • Honor your hunches and feelings about seemingly unrelated matters, such as which job you will take and where you will live. Often we are led to meet important people through such decisions.

Here are a few signs that you’re in the presence of someone you have loved before:

  • You have a very strange feeling, or it seems like time stands still when you first meet them.
  • They seem vaguely familiar or you feel unusually drawn to them.
  • The way you meet is surrounded by lots of synchronicity, like you were guided or destined to find each other.
  • You can see certain turning points or incidents in the past that are strongly connected to this meeting or to this person. For example, my ex-husband said that for his entire life, he’d had a picture in his mind of his “ideal girl.” He thought this was just a fantasy until he met me and discovered that the girl with that face actually existed.
  • Other people in your life are strongly connected to someone you feel an instant sense of kinship with. For example, if you have a strong feeling of familiarity upon meeting your brother’s fiance, it could mean that you’re GOING to know her in the future, but it could also mean you’ve known and loved her in another life. Since we reincarnate in soul groups, it’s common for there to be strong connections between your loved ones.
  • This relationship seems to have a life of its own – it just happens.

As I see it, my friend, the future is rich with exciting opportunities to love again. Please do remember that the karmic bond you feel to people from past lives is no more special just because it began in another time and place. As a very wise song goes, if you can’t be with the one you love, then love the one you’re with. You could create the most magnificent relationship EVER with someone you meet for the first time today.

– Soul Arcanum

Tags: , , , , ,
Permalink

How Can We Communicate with Loved Ones in Spirit?

Filed Under: Afterlife, Energy/Vibration, Psychic Ability, Spirit Communication, Spirits by Soul Arcanum — Comments Off on How Can We Communicate with Loved Ones in Spirit?

Copyright Soul Arcanum LLC. All rights reserved. :)
 

Dear Soul Arcanum:

On Christmas Eve in 2003, my daughter (who was 25 years old) and my grandchildren (who were three and six years old) were murdered. I have been to Spiritualist churches and had my girls talk to me, so I know they have continued on in the afterlife. What I want to know is how I can do this myself. I talk to them all day and most of the night. I say my prayers and ask God to help me, but I never feel my girls around me. Please, do you think you could tell me what to do? Love to you!
– Elaine

Dear Elaine:

My heart goes out to you; I can’t imagine how it felt to lose your loved ones in this way. I do understand your disappointment with your attempts at spirit communication, however. Like you, my desire for spirit contact was born when someone I loved dearly passed. In my case, it was my first love who died at a young age, and I wanted nothing more than to connect with him again. It was thus very upsetting to me when I started to interact with other spirits, but not with him.

While I believe that with the right approach, spirit communication is possible for everyone, please keep in mind that even established mediums can’t always connect with particular spirits.

So why would the spirits we most desire to connect with elude us? There are a couple of reasons this often happens. First, in order to link with spirits, we must have a very high vibration, which means we must be in a state of great joy and peace. If someone we love more than life itself crosses over, it may be very hard to achieve that vibration when thinking of them. Grief is about as low in vibration as one can get, so to link with the people we love the most, we may have to spend a lot of time healing after their deaths before we’re able to think of them with love and joy. This is why a medium may be able to bring them through when we cannot.

Another thing that often happens with those we’ve loved dearly is that they are so close we don’t distinguish their energy as separate from our own. If they were a big “part of us” when they were alive, then this becomes even more true after they cross over. If a spouse is trying to communicate with us from beyond, it may seem like nothing more than our own thoughts coming through. If a stranger or an acquaintance reaches out from the other side, however, it may feel more like “someone else” is there.

This is similar to our ability to sense people’s presence when they’re living. Imagine you’re in the kitchen and your daughter is in the living room. In the back of your mind you know she is there even if you haven’t seen her there with your physical eyes. You may not be consciously thinking about where she is, but at an unconscious level, you can sense her presence. Now picture that a stranger is in your house, and you suddenly sense a change in the atmosphere. Even when a stranger is benevolent, our instincts will alert us when someone we don’t know is nearby.

By way of another example, unless you printed this out, your computer is on right now, and it’s making its normal electrical hum. Until I drew your attention to it, however, you were not conscious of this noise. It is there so often that you have learned to tune it out. If your computer started making a clinking noise – something you’re not used to – it would get your attention immediately.

This is the difference between the presence of the spirit of a loved one we were close to and other spirits. The loved ones may be there all the time, but because they are so familiar to us, we don’t take conscious note of it. We have to learn to listen with “new ears” to hear subtle sounds running in the background.

To complicate matters further, the non-physical is not accessed “out there somewhere,” but rather from within. When we look for spirits in our outer physical world or expect to hear or perceive them with our physical senses, we may be disappointed. It’s important for people who have never had conscious communication with spirits before to understand that this is a very subtle, internal experience. Have you ever been doing something and felt someone looking at you, then glanced up to find out your were right? This is how subtle this feeling is.

You described how you talk to your daughter and grandchildren all day. It sounds like you are very verbal/auditory, so you are probably trying to get answers clairaudiently. To me this is the hardest form of spirit communication because language is already a step removed from the heart of a message. It’s not universal the way that images and feelings are.

It’s my understanding that this is also the hardest way for spirits to communicate with us. The non-physical is a place of energy and mental telepathy, not spoken or written language. When we receive messages from spirits, we are the ones who usually translate the thought energy of the message into words; not the spirits. To get names and verbal answers is thus relatively very difficult.

It’s easiest for spirits to communicate in the language of emotion, which is pure energy. This is why we may feel a wash of love when a spirit is reaching out to us – there are no words for that sort of feeling. So if you’re just getting started with spirit communication, you might want to begin with basic instincts like those gut feelings that someone is there. Often people who are grieving do have these feelings tip them off to the presence of a loved one in Spirit, but they dismiss them as wishful thinking. The more you work with and trust those feelings, the more this form of awareness will grow.

If you’re having trouble even sensing a presence like this, try doing something that puts you in a very high vibration (a feeling of peace and joy) first, and then open up and “feel” for your loved ones. This may be something you simply love, or if you can, you might journal about the best times with your daughter and grandchildren, and get yourself into a state of profound happiness and appreciation for the wonderful memories you have. Then when your heart is swelling with love and joy, stop and close your eyes and ask to feel their presence.

If it is too hard for you to think about them and remain joyful, you might have to begin by asking for them to meet you in your dreams. Many people only have contact with loved ones in their dreams because that is the only time their vibration is high enough and their minds are open enough for this sort of thing to happen. If you begin to work with your dreams (and there are lots of books and articles on this subject) and you set a conscious intention every night of meeting up with them in your dreams, it will begin to happen.

Above all, you must both believe that you can do this and that the successes you achieve are REAL. Trust in your own experiences and be open to them taking whatever shape they want to take. You may be listening for a verbal answer, for example, when signs, feelings, mental images, or so-called “coincidences” are happening all around you. Don’t expect a marching band to ring your doorbell with a singing telegram; instead, listen carefully for whispers in your mind or subtle feelings throughout all of your being and trust them. If you FEEL it’s real, then it’s real.

Lucky for us all, spirit communication seems to be getting easier and easier as the human race evolves and the vibration of the planet rises. So what may have been hard for you yesterday could happen easily tomorrow. I wish you deeply healing, comforting, and undeniably real interactions with your loved ones, Elaine.

– Soul Arcanum

Tags: , ,
Permalink

Dealing With Grief When There is Much Unfinished Business

Filed Under: Death and Dying, Healing by Soul Arcanum — Comments Off on Dealing With Grief When There is Much Unfinished Business

Copyright Soul Arcanum LLC. All rights reserved. :)
 

Dear Soul Arcanum:

My boyfriend of 10 months died suddenly at the end of January, 2004. His death was related to alcohol poisoning. He was an alcoholic, and had lied to me about his sobriety. We broke up in November, spoke briefly in December, but never resolved anything, though we had decided to try to be friends. I was not informed of his death until mid March, and then “by accident.” I missed the funeral and have no sense of closure. Though he was a tormented man, I loved him, and I am still having trouble coming to terms with all of this. Can you comment on any past life connection, or how to deal with the grief of the sudden passing of a loved one when there is much “unfinished business?” I have since learned that he was unable to stay sober for very long, that he had “pulled it together” and met me during one of his sober periods. I spent the last year of his life with him, and I would like to think that I brought him some happiness. He was a very difficult and moody man, and at times was abusive. He also struggled with depression, but never really got the help he needed. Thank you for your kindness in responding to this letter.
Sincerely,
Miranda

Dear Miranda:

Most people will struggle to make peace with the passing of a loved one due to unfinished business at some point in their lives. First, it’s important to realize that not every spirit will instantly become “enlightened” upon passing over. Those with negative habits that they failed to overcome during life don’t instantly shed that heavy energy, especially when those habits were more mental, emotional and spiritual than physical. (Drug addiction would arise from an inability to cope in a healthy way with life’s emotional stresses). We should not expect someone who had such problems while alive to suddenly be all love and light once on the other side.

On the other hand, relationships between many parents and children (and other family members) are often rife with misunderstandings. In those cases, the parents usually instantly see the “big picture” once on the other side, and are anxious to come through and say that nothing that they fought about with their kids was really important. They very much want their children to be happy, and want to communicate that they are proud of them and love them deeply.

I am a Spiritualist minister, and I believe Spiritualism is the answer here. It’s a wonderful source of healing for those who are trying to find peace with the passing of a loved one, whether this involves clearing up unfinished business or just knowing that those no longer here on Earth with us are okay.

There are wonderful little Spiritualist churches hidden in pockets all over the U.S. and Great Britain. I myself have been attending one in a town about a half hour away, and I have found perhaps a dozen or so other churches within an hour from my home. There are many gifted mediums and healers working out of these churches. One thing that amazes me is how few people generally attend these services, or perhaps even know about them. Given the popularity of medium John Edwards, and the fact that many local mediums are just as gifted as he is, I can only assume that folks have no idea this sort of work is readily available and happening regularly right in their own communities.

I strongly encourage anyone who is grieving to visit a Spiritualist church or a Spiritualist medium. Imagine a medium bringing through evidential information and facilitating communication that leads to closure. This is powerful healing work!

You can also pray and ask for a direct connection with a loved one. You might begin by writing a letter, and then meditate and allow your loved one to “write back to you” by writing down everything that comes to you.

For most loved ones in spirit, this will work. With your friend John and others who had mental/emotional problems, however, it may be harder for THEM to come through. People who were deeply challenged in honestly, sincerely connecting with others when living will have to work to develop those abilities in the beyond. However, others in Spirit such as spirit guides could come through and help facilitate peace and understanding.

You can also just meditate and ask to be given peace with all of this. This can lead to a heart connection (without words) with a loved one in Spirit, or it can just lead you to new peace and understanding above and beyond any connection or relationship you may have or have had with anyone else.

Also, we would all be wise to remember that it is much easier to finish our business while our loved ones are still here on the Earth plane with us. If we don’t clear it up now, we’ll have to do so eventually. Whether you meet them later in this life, the afterlife, or a future life, if you ended things on a bad note, you’ll have to clear that up. I prefer to get those weights off my heart as soon as possible.

One way we can find compassion for those who have hurt us is to ask ourselves if we would rather be “us” (and mistreated) or be the other person – so lost at a soul level that we are capable of atrocious behavior. I personally would rather be mistreated than cruel. I also like to point out that our rough pasts have made us who we are today. None of us would want to give up any of our strength or wisdom, so how we can truly regret the past?

I encourage everyone who is carrying around hurt feelings or bitterness to move toward forgiveness as soon as possible, for their own sakes. It’s the most important spiritual work we can do! So turn off the TV, put aside the lawn mower and the laundry, and make sure all your relationships are in order. Reach out with love and compassion to apologize to those you have harmed and forgive those you feel have harmed you.

I pray that you find the peace and understanding that I have found in Spiritualism’s gifts and teachings. May this whole experience lead you to new wisdom and happiness!

– Soul Arcanum

Tags: , , ,
Permalink