Dear Soul Arcanum:
My mother died of cancer and about one year later, my dad committed suicide. My mother knew she was going to die so she had special talks with all her children. In my conversation with her, I asked her to please find a way to come visit me in my dreams or some other way from the dead. She said she would. I only had one dream about her. I was sitting at my kitchen table with a couple of friends and she appeared in the doorway. I turned and yelled Mom!
and went to get up to hug her and she disappeared. As for my father, he died of a drug overdose. In the only dream I had about him, he was chasing me with a drug needle, saying This is your life now.
Please help me understand all of this. Why won’t my mom won’t come to see me and talk to me like in the stories I’ve read at Soul Arcanum? Why would my dad say and do the things he did to me in my dream? I stood by both my parents until the end, never missing a doctor’s appointment or a chance to get my dad help for his pain. All he did when he was alive was make my life a living hell and make up rumors about me to feed his drug habit. Please help me. Thanks in advance!
Karen
Dear Karen:
Since it seems your parents were very different people and you had unique relationships with each of them, I think we should approach these dreams separately.
First it’s important to recognize and give thanks that your mother did come to you as promised. It may not have been exactly what you were hoping for, but she did show up in a dream and try to connect with you, and you did remember the experience.
My dad died a couple of years ago, after he and my mother had enjoyed many decades of a really beautiful marriage. One would think that she would have had all sorts of experiences with my dad after he passed, but she hasn’t had a single one that I would call really obvious or moving. She says that she sometimes hears his voice in her head, telling her what she should do about this or that problem, and that a couple of times, she has gotten the feeling that a bird outside the window was a sign from him, but she’s not had any vivid visits from him either when awake or dreaming.
I, however, have had outright visits, dreams, signs – you name it – from my dad. He even telephoned me on my birthday! This is not because he loved me more than he loved her or the rest of the family. Spirit communication is a two-way street, and there are many factors that can influence its success.
Following are some things to consider that may be affecting this situation:
First, people who die after long illnesses often need some time to heal and recover on the other side. They may make an all-out effort to come to us at least once after they’ve died to let us know they’re okay or to fulfill a promise, like your mother did, but then move on to what they need to do next. Often it’s a good sign when spirits don’t endlessly visit us, for it means they’ve moved on and are doing what they need to be doing on the other side.
It can take a great deal of time and effort for spirits to reach us in a way that most people can perceive it. It’s much like learning how to consciously communicate with spirits is for us: we could devote all kinds of time and energy to this goal and still find the results we desire elusive. In other words, I think we should assume that inter-dimensional communication is just as tricky to affect from the spirit world as it is from the physical.
Our state of mind definitely affects spirit communication. You have obviously gone through a great deal with all of this. You didn’t mention how long it has been since these deaths, but even if it’s been a while, you’re clearly still in some turmoil about it all, which would prevent conscious contact with spirits due to a low vibration.
Further, just as some people are more adept at spirit communication, some spirits are too. If the living person or the spirit is highly sensitive and spiritual in nature, contact is far more likely. If both parties are highly sensitive, then amazing things can happen. For example, the first spirit I had lots of contact with was my grandmother. She was a very spiritual sort of person, and we had a deep bond. I believe that because we were very close and because we were both very open and sensitive, it was easy for us to connect.
The more we evolve and the higher our vibration, the greater our power over our own reality and the greater our freedom to travel between spiritual realms, whether we’re on this side or living in another dimension.
In addition to all of the above, we often have dreams of loved ones in Spirit that we don’t remember. Even people who vividly remember their dreams every night may block out visits with loved ones in Spirit if there are unresolved feelings or issues that they’re not ready to face yet. It’s ironic, but the more you heal these relationships and work through your grief, the easier it will be for you to consciously connect.
What I want to emphasize most is the truth that just because you don’t get signs or visits from a particular spirit, that doesn’t mean that the spirit isn’t trying, doesn’t love you, or isn’t okay. I know my dad has tried to get through to my mom, but she just isn’t ready yet. In fact, she admitted that she both wants to hear from him, and is kind of freaked out about the whole idea. This inner conflict explains why she hasn’t had conscious experiences of him since his passing.
As for your father, it sounds to me like two things may be happening here:
First, addicts tend to remain earthbound. It sounds like your dad just hasn’t changed much since he died: he’s still struggling with addiction, and he didn’t instantly become angelic upon crossing over. It even sounds like he may be trying to feed his addiction through you – hence the dream of him chasing you with a needle.
You’re wise to realize that many times when our loved ones cross over, if they have issues that keep them earthbound like alcohol or drug addiction, they will attach to someone and try to continue to drink or get high through them. So someone with a food addiction may latch onto another family member who also has food issues, or at least has a weakness in that area. They don’t intend to harm us, mind you – but just like when they were living, they are too caught up in their own needs to act in a more loving, responsible way.
Until these spirits conquer their addictions, they can’t cross over, for they just keep fixating on the physical pleasures they crave. Whether they want to cross over or not, however, you can release them from your own energy and protect yourself from further attachment. (Research spirit releasement for more information on how to do this.)
This dream of your dad may also simply reflect that you are processing some unresolved feelings and issues you have about your relationship with him. Clearly there is a lot of pain and disappointment left over from this relationship that you have yet to heal, so the dream may not have been a true visit from him but instead be a reflection of your own inner turmoil.
I encourage you to pray for peace and healing for yourself and your father. Visualize him full of light, free from addiction, and surrounded by angels helping him to learn, grow and heal in the afterlife. You can pray for your mother too, and also pray to have the sort of healing experiences you crave with both of your departed parents. If you focus on this and ask for it with a sincere heart, I have faith that you will be guided to peace and fulfillment in the perfect way and time for you.
– Soul Arcanum
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