Dear Soul Arcanum:
My boyfriend Billy died in a car accident a few weeks ago. His best friend, Kyle, was also killed; Kyle was the driver that night. Since they died, I’ve had some very long, intense dreams about Billy. In one dream, Billy and Kyle come to my house and I start crying and hug them both. Kyle tells me that they aren’t dead; I tell them that they are. They disappear and then Billy calls me on my cell phone, crying and saying that he is so sorry. He says he didn’t mean to leave me. In other dreams, I discuss with Billy and Kyle whether other people know they are dead, and whether or not we should tell them. In another dream, we go to a carnival and Billy tries to win me a stuffed animal, but all sorts of things prevent this from happening. Then we’re at a mall, going down the escalator. He makes it down before me. Billy: I beat you! Me: I didn’t know we were racing. I start going up the escalator and back down it as he tries to catch me. Me: I beat you! Billy: Didn’t you say you wanted sons? Children would make you happy? Me: I don’t need kids to make me happy. Being with you will make me happy.
Later we kiss. Then I’m standing in front of him. [In real life, Kyle’s dad has seen Billy wandering around his house, and I’ve been worried that this may mean that Kyle’s dad is going to die soon.] Me: Why are you wandering around Kyle’s house? Billy: I don’t know. Me: Is Kyle’s dad going to be okay? Billy: He is going to die tomorrow due to a low heart. Billy: I really want you to be with me right now but God said you can’t be with me yet. He runs from me to escape my desire to be with him. I chase him. He opens dark double doors that have a drop after them. I try to grab him and almost fall but stop myself and fall back into the mall. The doors slam shut. My best friend Gena (Kyle’s girlfriend) has had strange dreams about them too. In a dream a couple days after the accident, Billy told her to tell me that he loved me and I needed to be strong. I’ve also been seeing things out of the corner of my eye, felt like Billy was lying with me, felt him holding my hand, smelled him, and heard him say something. What do you think of all of this?
L.
Dear L.:
I believe Billy is trying very hard to make you know that he loves you and didn’t mean to leave you. First I’ll interpret these wonderful dreams, and then I’ll explore the bigger picture in terms of what I feel is going on with Billy and Kyle.
In my belief and experience, whenever we dream about someone who is departed, and in the dream we know that they are supposed to be dead, it’s a sign that we are actually meeting up with them in another dimension. We may feel confused about their presence because we know they’re dead, or we may actually have a conversation with them about the fact that they’re dead. In any case, if you’re conscious in the dream that they’re supposed to be dead, they’re not a dream symbol for something or someone else: this is a real visit with them in another dimension.
Your conversations with Billy and Kyle in which you discuss the fact that they’re dead, they argue with you, and you debate whether or not to tell other people are all very telling. These discussions suggest that for now, these two have yet to cross over and may still be in shock
over their sudden departure from their physical bodies.
It’s my understanding that being in between life and the afterlife is very much like being in a dream. This should resonate with you given the experiences you’ve had with them in the dream state. In fact, being earthbound is probably like a very long, drawn out dream. Imagine yourself in a dream and someone tells you that you’re dead. You tell them that you’re not but then you think, Am I? Maybe I am… You’re not sure what is what here. I feel these two are still coming to grips with what has happened.
The dream where you go to a carnival and Billy tries to win you a stuffed animal suggests that you are both holding on to him being your boyfriend – the one who does things like win you stuffed animals. Yet he can’t be that person to you now, which is why one thing after another prevents him from succeeding.
I feel the dream about going down the escalator is all about going from one level of existence to another, and the fact that he beat you
to the non-physical by dying when he did. When you then try to beat him and he asks if you don’t want children, he is basically saying, Don’t you want to go ahead and live a full life, fulfill your dreams, and catch up with me after that? He wants you to be happy and fulfilled. Your reply that you don’t want anything more than being with him is a natural way to feel a few weeks after your boyfriend was killed, and it’s because you’ve been feeling this way that he is trying hard to convince you to think about what you’ve always dreamed would make you happy.
Please know that you won’t always feel as you do now. I know it’s hard to imagine, but my own first love died suddenly at the age of 19, so I do know what I’m talking about here. I can assure you that there will be new happiness and new love in your future, and none of it will diminish what you feel for Billy or what you can have with him in other lives. In this dream, he is trying to talk you into finding the will to go on, allow time to heal your wounds, and try to live a happy life.
Regarding Kyle’s dad seeing Billy, this doesn’t mean he’s about to die. Instead, I feel it means that he WANTS to die. His heart is broken over his son’s death and if he doesn’t find a way to heal and the will to live, then he may indeed unconsciously do himself in.
We see this all the time in lifelong couples: when one dies, the other isn’t far behind because the survivor doesn’t want to go on.
The part about God saying you couldn’t be with him yet is self-explanatory. I love how Billy is spelling everything out for you so clearly in these dreams: He is working hard to let you know that he still loves you, that he wants you to be happy, and that this temporary separation
was not his choice. Then he does the noble thing and runs away so you can get back to your life here.
All of these dreams and experiences suggest that Billy and Kyle have yet to cross over into a new (after) life, most likely because they are worried about all of their loved ones here on Earth. They want to make sure that you are all going to be okay. Of course, they have their own strong attachments to you, and are trying to work through the realization that they have indeed died and need to move on.
I know that it’s hard to see the big picture right now, but I feel that all of this is going to change you in some very important, powerful ways. As a result of the amazing things that happened when my own first love died, I awakened spiritually, and I have had no doubt that there is life after death ever since. I would not be the person I am today and doing the work that I do had all of that not happened. Todd’s death led me to new awareness and understanding, deep compassion for the grieving, and a passion for spiritual exploration. While I still miss him, I have total faith that I will see him again and we will get a chance to live all we desire to live together. I believe that through all of this heartache, you too will be blessed with a new spiritual life. I pray you make the most of all the gifts of love and spirit Billy is trying so hard to give you through these extraordinary experiences.
– Soul Arcanum