Tag Archive: self-esteem


Keeping Spiritual Views Private

Filed Under: Psychic Ability, Relationships, Spiritual Growth by Soul Arcanum — Comments Off on Keeping Spiritual Views Private

Copyright Soul Arcanum LLC. All rights reserved. :)
 

Dear Soul Arcanum:

I’ve been on a spiritual journey for a number of years now, and for the most part I’ve kept this to myself. Now and then, however, I get questioned about my beliefs, and for some reason, I’m really uncomfortable talking about them. For example, the other day I gave a coworker a ride home, and she noticed a spiritual book on the seat of my car and started asking me about it. Do you think I should be more open about my beliefs? It sort of feels right to keep them to myself.
Margie

Dear Margie:

I can totally relate to your question. In fact, most acquaintances know only that I’m a writer and editor: they have no idea about my spiritual work and beliefs.

For one thing, I have no desire to engage in endless intellectual debates. My ego used to get a kick out of that sort of thing, but I now feel it’s just a waste of time that I could be using for far greater purposes. Years ago I asked the Universe to do me a little favor. I requested that if someone would benefit from hearing about my spiritual views, then they would find a way to ask me about them that made me want to open up and share. I also asked that if such a conversation would prove less than uplifting or beneficial for either party, then I would be spared the hassle. Ever since, I’ve not really had a problem with this issue. I also don’t discuss politics, nor do I debate parenting styles with other parents, for these sorts of conversations tend to breed conflict instead of love and harmony.

Nevertheless, there are times when I do feel called to explain my spiritual beliefs to others. Before I go into how I do that, I would like to remind you that you are never required to reveal anything about your spiritual beliefs to anyone else. There is nothing more personal than your relationship to God or the divine, so give yourself permission to hold this area of your life close to your heart and protect it as sacred. Also, always listen to and trust your intuition. If you feel called to stay mum, then you’re wise to do so.

My next observation has become something of a cliche in New Age circles, but that’s in part because it has a lot of truth in it: its the idea that many free thinkers alive today were religiously persecuted in past lives, or witnessed other people being ostracized, tortured and murdered for their religious beliefs. This has naturally made us wary about opening up about any uncommon or unusual views we may hold. From former pagans who were burned as witches to the many people alive now who were murdered during the Holocaust, there are many in New Age circles who have been through hell for their spiritual beliefs and learned that it’s just not worth it to rock the boat.

We enjoy far more religious freedom now than we have since the dawn of civilization. For many lifetimes we’ve had to either conform or keep our views quiet, so this is a long-established habit. Keeping these things in mind can help us understand our hesitation to put our beliefs on the chopping block.

There is a bright side to this dynamic, however, as it creates some ideal spiritual challenges for us. We are all learning to think for ourselves and trust the voice whispering in our own hearts more than our priests, teachers, parents, therapists, or any other outside influences. As this is a huge step forward spiritually, it naturally entails the need to overcome some fears and other ego issues. We’re all learning to rise above worrying about what other people will think of our spiritual beliefs so we can fully honor our personal truths and put our relationship with God first.

We’re also learning the fine balance required to honor our own truths while respecting others’ at the same time. Arenas like politics and religion offer us great opportunities to practice finding a wise approach. So if you think you’re a good diplomat and you want a new challenge, you might see how things go when you try engaging others in deep conversations about their spiritual beliefs.

I also don’t see any real need to discuss these matters unless we feel called to do so. In my view, everyone is just where they’re supposed to be, and the law of attraction will deliver what everyone needs when they need it, so I feel no duty to pursue or avoid anything in particular in this domain. If someone asks me about my beliefs and it feels right and good to open up, I do so. If I feel at all anxious or uncertain, I just keep things light and general, and shift the focus back to them. (Fortunately, people love to talk about themselves, so this is never a hard thing to do.)

Besides, I already know my own theories and stories, and I am genuinely interested in others’ spiritual views and experiences, so I prefer to be the one asking the questions instead of doing all the talking. My goal above all is to remain open-minded and open-hearted, so really listening to others is essential.

In fact, when I encounter someone who is really intense about their beliefs, I always stop and ask myself how I’ve attracted this person and if I’m just as rooted in my own views as they are in theirs. I can get just as complacent as anyone else, and have to be reminded that there is much I haven’t learned yet. This sort of conversation is great for illuminating our own ego issues, whether they involve self-esteem/fear of rejection or the arrogant assumption that I’ve got things figured out better than the other person.

When talking to others about this sort of thing, I do find it really helpful to focus on my experiences more than my beliefs. I also find it wise to convey how I used to be much more mainstream (perhaps just like them) and was just as blown away by the things that happened to me as anyone else would be. This tends to diffuse any ego tension in such conversations because people will argue with general ideas but they can’t argue with what you say happened to you personally. Instead of getting defensive because they think I’m trying to convince them of something, when I just explain what happened to me, people tend to be more open.

Despite my careful approach, sometimes people do reject me for being strange or different from them. They don’t usually say that out right, but since I’m super sensitive, I know what they’re generally feeling. I’m the sort of person who wants everyone to like me, but I’ve learned that this desire is also rooted in ego, so I’ve learned to be at peace with rejection. (On the bright side, I figure being rejected saves me from continuing to try to connect with someone I wouldn’t want to spend any real time with anyway.)

If you find yourself feeling worried about what others think of you, you might view it as a red flag that you have an ego issue rearing its ugly head, and seize that opportunity to work on your relationship to yourself, which is far more important than any relationship you’ll have with another person. You’ll know that you’re free of ego issues when you can open up and share from the heart with respect for the other person’s feelings but no concern for how they may judge or perceive you.

– Soul Arcanum

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Shifting into a Higher Level of Fulfillment in Love

Filed Under: Emotional Well-being, Karma, Law of Attraction, Manifesting, Relationships by Soul Arcanum — Comments Off on Shifting into a Higher Level of Fulfillment in Love

Copyright Soul Arcanum LLC. All rights reserved. :)
Dear Soul Arcanum:

My name is Anne. Glenn is a man that I have been involved with on and off for the last two and a half years. Our relationship has been very stormy and painful for me. When I learned that I had breast cancer in March of 2006, he suddenly moved away. Basically he was running away from my pain. I went through treatment and am now fine. In February he called me and we talked for the first time in almost a year. In March, he came out for business and we saw each other. We ended up being intimate, which kicked up my attachment again. Our relationship revolved around sex. I wanted a lot more and I felt emotionally starved, yet I couldn’t walk away. I was in denial of the truth – that he wanted me on his own terms, and he couldn’t get too close. I always feel that I somehow want to make it right between us, but I don’t even know what that means. I don’t know how to let go. He has such a strong hold on my heart. He is a great artist and has a powerful shamanic side. I am so attracted to that part of him and the sexual connection is so powerful that I find it wrenching to end all contact, yet I feel that’s the only way to move on and hopefully find a true soul mate. Do you have any advice for me on this painful situation? Many blessings to you! – Anne

Dear Anne:

I chose your question because your struggle is such a common one. I frequently hear from women who are suffering from unrequited love, who can’t seem to get over a certain relationship, or who feel miserably, karmically bound to someone and can’t break free no matter what they do. It can happen to a man, but it’s not nearly as common.

There is a very powerful biological reason that women and men generally approach sex and romantic commitment very differently. It’s not just because they were raised in cultures that taught them to be different – those cultural norms arose from biological realities. The fact is that women have far more at stake in sexual relations than men do: if they get pregnant, they take on the greatest challenge and responsibility I can imagine – that of caring for a new life.

This may also be why women’s bodies respond differently to the sex act than men’s do. Whether a woman is in love with her partner or has just met him at a bar, during orgasm, hormones will flood her body that make her feel like she is falling in love. This doesn’t happen with men, so when it comes to having sex, women have far more at stake on all levels: physical, emotional, mental and spiritual. It is thus wise for women to wait until they know a man well and have established that they want the same things in a relationship before getting physically intimate.

On a metaphysical level, our auras reflect what is happening in our bodies. Just as having sex with someone will cause a flood of physical changes, we create energetic ties to that person in our auras. The more we feed those cords of connection through further contact and thinking of that person with love, longing, or other strong emotions, the stronger those cords get.

When women experience a surge of hormones that makes them feel like they’re falling in love after sex, they begin to feed those cords mental and emotional energy, which in turn causes another flood of those hormones, for what we experience in our minds affects our bodies. This creates a cyclic loop that can lead to a state of obsession. Because the hormones involved are so pleasurable, it’s like being addicted to something like cocaine. Since men generally aren’t experiencing anything like this, it’s easier for them to break things off or move on.

On a spiritual level, many people find lovers who are somewhat hard to get extra appealing, and most of the time, it’s because they have some self-esteem issues they are in the process of working out. Part of developing self-love and wisdom involves recognizing that just because someone doesn’t seem to want us as much as we want them, that doesn’t mean that they are better than we are. These sorts of relationship experiences generally lead us through some deep pain, but on the other side, we end up affirming our worthiness of something better.

Whenever someone continues to go back for more from a relationship where their partner repeatedly fails to consider their needs, betrays them, abandons them in a time of need, or makes them feel they’re not important to them, you can be sure there are self-esteem issues involved.

Often when we are in relationship to someone who has better self-esteem than we do – someone who allows himself to want what he wants and live as he chooses – we are attracted not so much to who he is as a person, but to his self-esteem. We want to feel good enough about ourselves to honor our true needs and desires as he does.

We’re also strongly attracted to people who are living dreams we want to live ourselves. It sounds to me like you would like to be an artist and a shaman, and would like to feel less needy in relationships, just like Glenn. THOSE are the things you’re really in lust with, my friend!

These sorts of relationships don’t come into our lives to fulfill our desire for a perfect partner, but to help us realize our own potential. This happens in an organic way because we are naturally attracted to people who embody what we are longing to become or are in the process of working on.

My advice is to let go of needing this to be more than it wants to be, and take the best of what it has to offer you. In this case, I feel that means allowing this relationship to illuminate your own needs and desires, and how you might begin to honor those better. It will really help if you replace all the exciting feelings you have about Glenn with other things that turn you on, so get involved in your own art, in exploring shamanism, or some other personal passion.

If you want a partner who is passionately into you, let yourself have that instead of trying to be happy with a man who doesn’t want what you want and isn’t willing to compromise on his desires. Once you’ve learned whatever this relationship has to teach you, you will have awakened new potential in this area of your life, and will naturally attract a relationship experience that is better suited to you. You may then begin to work on some other life lesson, and be able to enjoy a healthy, loving relationship with a man while you do so.

Basically, once you love YOURSELF the way you want to be loved, you will attract a partner who loves and honors your true desires and feelings similarly. Just focus on how you want to feel about yourself and your love life, and allow whoever is the best match to your desires to flow into your life and your heart.

I do understand your desire to make things right. I always want everyone to be happy and at peace with me too, but we can’t control how other people feel. All we can do is be lovingly honest about how we feel and what we need to do to take good care of ourselves, while at the same time making it clear that we honor the other person’s need to do the same. Even if others don’t share our feelings or our preferences for the way things turn out, we’ll be at peace, for we’ll know we’ve done all we could do given the divine truth we found in our own hearts.

– Soul Arcanum

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