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Dear Soul Arcanum:

I have been in a relationship for almost four years with a man that I deeply love and thought I was going to marry. We have just recently parted ways. He lost his wife over five years ago, and it seems the longer we were together, the more his grief grew and his love for me diminished. I have sadly accepted that our relationship was not healthy, and it is better for both of us to move on separately. At times I’m relieved to be free of his depression and lack of love, but I’m devastated by his rejection and the trauma of having to quickly move from our beautiful home to a very small apartment. I have been in three relationships in my life, each time with men that were emotionally unavailable for one reason or another. I now have realized that I attract men who will ultimately reject and abandon me. I’m 46 years old. How can I stop this pattern so I can enjoy a mutually loving, emotionally supportive relationship?
Warm Regards,
Michele

Dear Michele:

As I see it, you’re already on your way to something better. You’ve become consciously aware of this pattern in your life, and by seeking deeper understanding of it, you will gain the power to break free and create positive change.

In order to move on, the first thing is to become conscious of why you tend to get involved with men who are emotionally unavailable. You may think you know why, but if you continue to end up in this same situation over and over again, there must be more that you have yet to uncover.

To unearth the buried beliefs or issues behind this pattern of experience, I highly recommend hypnotherapy. Through regression work and dialoging with your higher self, you can manifest amazing transformations in your life practically overnight. I’ve been truly amazed by the breakthroughs I’ve seen people tap into by addressing the subconscious beliefs underlying undesirable patterns of experience.

For example, some months ago I worked with a friend who had all sorts of rules about love that had been drilled into her since childhood. Her mother had married for financial security, and even though her own marriage was miserable, she’d always told her daughter to find a man with money. Despite the fact that my friend is very financially successful herself, she had major hang-ups about how much money a guy had to make in order for her to be interested in him. On a conscious level, she could see that this rule about marrying money was holding her back from finding a truly nice guy because the men she dated tended to be rich, self-centered, demanding, arrogant workaholics. Nevertheless, she believed that she couldn’t be attracted to a man who wasn’t a huge financial success.

After just three sessions in hypnotherapy, everything began to change. In addition to becoming conscious of why she kept doing what she was doing, and working through some of the fears behind this limiting pattern, she also became aware of some of the lessons she is working on this lifetime, which include finding faith in her ability to take good care of herself instead of needing a man to lean on. While she is still looking for the one, instead of feeling miserable about her love life, she is now having a fantastic time dating all sorts of kind, wonderful men.

Like my friend, we all repeat dysfunctional patterns over and over again until we heal the deep wounds and learn the big lessons that keep leading us back into those situations. Thus women who grew up in families without fathers may subconsciously pursue men who will leave them, and in this way, recreate a situation where all the pain from the past can be brought to the surface and finally healed. By consciously working through the issues involved, they empower themselves to move on to a higher level of experience.

So when we find ourselves repeating the same destructive, unfulfilling patterns over and over again, we can be sure that there is something deep within us that is driving this behavior. Usually, this isn’t something we can clearly point to on a conscious level, which is why things like hypnotherapy and spiritual counseling often prove powerful where all sorts of practical, reasonable efforts fail.

Once you’ve brought any shadows into the light and healed and released them, you just need to get into vibrational harmony with what you want. This can be trickier than it sounds, for in addition to thinking about what we want, we have to FEEL the way we want to feel. To manifest true love, we have to fall in love with love and feel just as buoyant now as we expect to feel when we’ve found the one we’re looking for.

One powerful way to shift ourselves into a higher vibration in order to manifest something that has proven tricky for us is to get soaring in every other area of our lives. So if we want to have a fabulous love relationship, we’re wise to ask ourselves if every other aspect of our lives is fabulous. If we have goals or dreams that we could be pursuing in other areas, then we’re wise to get going on those relatively easy things first.

So if you want a fabulous love relationship, ask yourself these questions: Is my house in fabulous order? Am I wonderfully successful in my career? Do I look and feel fabulous? Are my finances in terrific shape? Is my daily life in order and ready for a big, wonderful new addition?

We all have things that we want and need to do that we put off for various reasons. When there are things that we CAN do to improve our lives, and we don’t get on them, we keep ourselves from the realm of bigger dreams. When we begin to stretch ourselves by doing the things we can do to shift into a higher level of experience, then new potentials move within reach and things begin to change in exciting ways.

It’s also essential to trust that things happen for a higher reason, and to give thanks for all of our experiences. For example, when things don’t work out in one relationship, we are wise to assume that we’re meant for something better.

Once we get ourselves into a state where we feel fabulous about ourselves and all we have to offer a new lover, are totally trusting that everything happens for a good reason, and can think about love and feel buoyed by a rich sense of joy and possibility, that’s when magic happens. When we’re in this very high vibration, heaven and earth move to answer our prayers for true and lasting fulfillment.

Once you’ve prepared yourself by healing old wounds, putting your life in order, and getting into a high vibration, you just need to clearly tell the Universe what you’re looking for and remain open to doing things differently this time. This may mean that you take a different approach than you’ve ever taken before, or that you open up to dating a different type of guy than you would normally be attracted to. The point is to expand your potential, and to do that, you’ll have to open up to a broader range of possibilities.

After you tell the Universe what you want, happily embrace whatever comes your way as either the solution or a stepping stone to where you want to go. The more you can love whatever comes your way with faith that it is leading you to what you really want, the faster you’ll flow toward fulfillment, and the more fun you’ll have along the way.

Finally, we get what we give in life, so wherever you are and whomever you’re with, embody LOVE. If you give the love and affection you are hoping to get to others, big love will flow back to you.

– Soul Arcanum

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